Shag—Marry—Cliffs #5

Hey there,

Is everybody happy? Or at least marginally alright? Wow, that was a round, wasn’t it? Well, some of you found it very easy, but I think quite a few people were hard pressed to cliff one of the gentlemen in this round. Phew.

Now that we’ve made the hard choices, let’s look at how Thorin, Ricky and Portah fared.

Results round 4

In a shocking upset, Portah has won two categories. 2. TWO. T-W-O. Wow. So he gets more nookie than anyone, either as a quick shag or in a loving marriage. John sure knows how to impress the ladies. Thorin narrowly takes the questionable honor of being king of the cliffs. And Ricky is always a step behind.

Yours truly still owes her choices, so here we go. Let‘s start with the unpleasant one first. Apologies and nobody tell my fish about this, but it‘ll have to be the cliffs for Thorin. Eagles, other dwarves or barrels will be there to save him, I am sure, but I like a tall guy. I am tall myself and real-life RA just makes the cut, so a dwarf is not for me. Farewell, your majesty.

Now that that is out of the way, I will have to indulge my black leather fetish with the distractingly delightful Mr. Deeming. Yes, please! And once more, with feeling. I‘m gonna go with the optimistic stance of he swings both ways, which is totes magotes cool with me.

Which leads us to the one, the only John Portah. Yes, how can I of all people choose to marry another soldier? I know the heartbreak that brings. And yet, I find him irresistible. “Those eyes, those thighs,“ she sighs. Portah is a good man. I politely disagree with the assessment that he is a bad husband and father. He is broken and no wonder. But I will convince him to leave all that behind and we will live somewhere nice and quiet, where he gets lots of fresh air and exercise… and I‘m gonna watch him be outdoorsy and take care of him. Wedded bliss for Kate Porter. Has a nice ring to it, don‘t you think? Incidentally, nobody tell Mr. Kate about this. And don’t you dare mention the words season two.

So, now that we’ve taken care of the Britta of rounds, on to the nickel round. Here are your contestants for Round 5:

Raymond de Merville (Pilgrimage)
King Oleron (Alice Through the Looking Glass)
Tom Cahalan (Brain in Fire)

And go!

39 thoughts on “Shag—Marry—Cliffs #5

  1. Raymond is a bit psycho imo and I don’t believe in love changing everything so he’d be facing the cliffs.
    I’d shag King Oleron, it’s always nice if your lover is rich and he has such nice clothes too. Unfortunately he has a wifey also and the silly girls.
    So that leaves Tom Cahalan for marrying. Mainly because he can say my name (Susanna) right 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sorry I missed the last two ….. or was it three… rounds. But you KNOW I was gonna get in on this one because of my VERY STRONG FEELINGS about one of these chaps!

    So here we go.

    Shag: Tom Calahan. You know I have a weird random thing about Toms in general. But wow he’s SO pretty. Look at those forearms. Phwoar. Yep. I’d tap that so hard I’d get bruises. Look at that adorkable smile. I mean. Really. As if you’d let him leave the house without you ending up walking like John Wayne for a fortnight.

    Marry: King Oleron. Let’s be fair here, he’s a King. Financial security is a very attractive quality, especially if you live hand to mouth. And it’d definitely be one of those marriages where you’d be assured of your own bedroom which is great cos who wants the lack of romanticism involved with having to see your husband before you’re ready for human contact??

    Cliffs: THAT BASTARD BOOBY RAYMOND DE MERVILLE. HE TRIED TO HURT TOM HOLLAND. HE DESERVED THAT HORRIBLE DEATH!!!! How dare he upset that sweet beautiful angelito precioso Thomas Stanley Holland??? How dare he!!! Death is too good for him, in fact!!! But still. I wouldn’t touch him with a plastic one. I would push him over the cliffs and then set up camp and snuggle up by the campfire with Tom Holland and deflower the heck out of the boy. The End.

    Sorry. I just have… Feelings.

    I promise I’ll try my best to answer the next lot of SMCs!!!

    Love you forever XXX

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Ah yes, I knew you would have Feelings™️ about this round. So Ray has to go, natch!
      And who doesn’t like a nice, modest castle. Queen Louise has a nice ring to it!!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 🎶🎶Feelings… Nothing more than… Feelings…🎶🎶🎶

        When I’m Queen I can demand Raymond to be beheaded and then thrown off a cliff and then I can have The Novice as my official consort. He won’t be a Novice for long!!! Hohoooooo!!!!!! *rubs hands in glee*

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Raymond is sexy but too evil – he deserves to be shoved over a cliff!
    King Oleron – yeah, I don’t see myself as a Queen Esther, the protocol and publicity would drive me mad! But shagging a king in a nice luxurious four-poster bed at his castle? Yes, I’d be up for that!
    And marry Tom. Not only sexy but also such a lovely supportive dad, would make a great daddy for the kids we’d have.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Easy one.
    Raymond goes down. He’s violent and cruel. 🗡
    Shag King Oleron just out of curiosity. Before they chop off his head. Sorry 😐
    Marry Tom – gorgeous, kind, caring, DIY guy 💍

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t have strong feelings about this round and am still too addled with pain and anesthesia to leave an interesting answer so I’ll just say: marry Tom Cahalan, shag the king and cliffs with poor Raymond (with a reservation to first see what is under that armour).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Shag King Oleron. Despite being an Elizabeth I am in no way regal.

    Marry Tom. Give a good heave to the fiancee; he’s got his baby-girl and I’ve got mine, nice neat family.

    Cliffs Raymond. But I may still have to give him a shag first. 😛

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL, I initially read the first sentence as “Despite being an Elizabeth the First“ which made a strange sort of sense as well.
      At least Ray is getting some action besides the cliff. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh dear. I think I’m probably going to go against the grain on this one. But I’m pushing Oleron off the cliff. Maybe if he hadn’t yelled at poor Elsabeth, she might not have turned into the mean red queen.
    And I’d shag Raymond, keeping him distracted so the monk & the mute can escape.
    Which means marrying Tom, who I think is excellent hubby & dad material.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m late on this one, I realize, but I think I’m with you, LG. Raymond is hot and French-speaking, and I could get out of Dodge pretty quick after- if he has a knife in the room, no way am I the one falling asleep!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is really one for Team Shrubbery. My consideration when it concerns Mr RA is which character can I shag the most and for the longest. I like bad Armitage and as I desire de Merville the most out of the three, and want him to whisper French nothings to me, I should marry him. He could turn nasty though and I quite fancy being a queen. So I’ll marry King Oleron, cut his hair, shave his beard and insist he wear trousers not tights, nip out to shag de Merville at every opportunity and toss shouty dad-sy Tom Cahahlan over the cliff as he doesn’t do a lot for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know what, I hadn‘t even considered that, but you are absolutely right. #TeamShrubbery all the way in this round. But you always have your make over options, as evidenced above. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Honestly – what was your hat thinking? It really should’ve mixed up these last two rounds. Cos this one is a cliff round… But ok, if pressed, this is the verdict from the Irish jury.
    Shag – Cahalan. Logically looking at things, he should be the marriage candidate, after all he is an (ex-) married man. But IDK, something about him is unappealing. (It doesn’t help that he is such a one-dimensional character.)
    Marry – against all better judgment, I’d go for the challenge again. Raybo. Definitely someone you have to work on in order to get to the (redeemable) core of the man. I think there is passion and protectiveness underneath.
    Cliffs – Oleron. That hair. Just – no.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I know, right? But that‘s kind of the fun in the random drawing. You never know what you‘re gonna end up with.
      You truly like to live dangerously. But I hear ya. That chain mail… more on that when I announce my choices.
      LOL about the Oli hair. Worst ever, would you say?

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Raymond: geht über die Klippen. Diese Frisur geht sowas von GAR NICHT, also tschüss Raymond.
    König Oleron: “There is one I could follow. There is one I could call king.” – und das ist definitv nicht Oleron. Da der Platz auf der Klippe schon besetzt und er ganz ansehnlich ist, könnte es aber immerhin zu einem ONS reichen. Bei der Gelegenheit könnte ich ihn auch gleich fragen, welche Spülung er für seine Haare benutzt.
    Tom: wird somit geheiratet. Er hat die beste Frisur und den besten Klamottengeschmack IMO.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I can’t entirely explain why, but Sir Raymond really does something for me, brutal and ruthless or not. Let’s face it, it’s the Middle Ages, and I’m definitely fond of his religious and political cynicism. So I’ll take a risk and marry him. Oleron is already taken, so it’s the cliff for him, and that means shagging Tom.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Urgh. I’ve not seen Through the Looking Glass. Raymond is a brute and Tom imo is a bit of a dick. I’ve watched Brain on Fire twice and I didn’t like him either time.
    So…Oh jeez
    Shag…..Raymond only because he’s probably amazing
    Marry Olereon because best of bad bunch
    CLliff Tom!

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Ah, I see. Well, the second isn’t great IMO. Except for seeing RA, which is a very short part of it. But there is a scene where he yells and you know how I enjoy that. 😉

          Liked by 2 people

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